Cognitive Therapy for Children » Parenting

Decoding Peaceful Parenting

admin — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 04:32:49 +0000

Every Parent’s Nightmare

Most of the parent-child conflicts are those centred on daily activities like going to bed or waking up, limitations of going outdoors and school homework. Many parents feel as they are engaged in a constant power struggle with their children. Parents feel frustrated and worn out and the children feel questioned and irritated. In cases of extreme hostility between the two, a child may feel threatened and determined to resist his parents’ wishes.

Authoritative Parenting?

Some parents are prone to threatening or using extreme authority over the children. They tend to make many demands and enforce them with punishment or promises. When the child crosses teenage years, such parents usually find themselves involved in a bitter struggle with their child. Even if children aren’t immediately resisting parental demands, parents could still be generating a negative environment every time they attempt to exert supremacy over the children.

The Dilemma

Most parents want their children to have the characters and the skills which enable them to make the best choices in life. However, they seem to ignore the fact that these skills can’t be developed if a child develops a fear of blame or parental punishment. Anger and resentment is common among children today as they try and fight out the level of parental control exerted on them. These negative feelings of anger and bitterness are sometimes expressed through self-destructive habits that a child develops. Many such children become violent at school, start using abusive behaviour or may get hooked on to bad company and the use of alcohol or even drugs.

Finding a Solution

Peaceful parenting begins from the time children are toddlers. The child at that age has to be made to realise what is wrong and not acceptable. The best way to make him follow a rule is leading by example. Again, to let him feel empowered, try and make the child responsible for certain household issues when he grows up. This could include taking care of the toolbox or buying the weekly quota of fruits for the family or keeping an eye as to which member of the family has been overspending. This process combines self-realisation and responsibility for the child. These skills help to create children who can embrace understanding and peace and are at ease with the idea of being disciplined and liberated at the same time.

12 Friendship Skills Every Child Needs

admin — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 04:29:19 +0000

Kids can be picky about who they play and mix with.Popularity should not be confused with sociability. A number of studies in recent decades have shown that appearance, personality type and ability impact on a child’s popularity at school. Good-looking, easy-going, talented kids usually win peer popularity polls but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee they will have friends.Those children and young people who develop strong friendships have a definite set of skills that help make them easy to like, easy to relate to and easy to play with.Here are twelve essential skills that children have identified as being important for making and keeping friends:1. Ability to share possessions and space 2. Keeping confidences and secrets 3. Offering to help 4. Accepting other’s mistakes 5. Being positive and enthusiastic 6. Starting a conversation 7. Winning and losing well 8. Listening to others 9. Starting and maintaining a conversation 10. Ignoring someone who is annoying you 11. Cooperating with others12. Giving and receiving complimentsFriendships skills are generally developmental. That is, kids grow into these skills given exposure to different situations and with adult help.In past generations ‘exposure to different situations’ meant opportunities to play with each other, with siblings and with older and younger friends.They were reminded by parents about how they should act around others. They were also ‘taught’ from a very young age.Arrested developmentThe NEW CHILD grows up with fewer siblings, fewer opportunities for unstructured play and less freedom to explore friendships than children of even ten years ago. A parenting style that promotes a high sense of individual entitlement rather than the notion of fitting in appears to be popular at the moment.These factors can lead to delayed or arrested development in these essential friendship skills, resulting in very unhappy, self-centred children.Here are some ideas if you think your child experiences developmental delay in any of these essential skills or just needs some help to acquire them:(1) Encourage or insist that kids play and work with each other: Allowing kids the freedom to be kids is part of the message here but parents have to be cunning with the NEW CHILD and construct situations where kids have to get on with each other. For some kids “Go outside and play” is a good place to start!!(2) Play with your kids: Interact with your kids through games and other means so you can help kids learn directly from you how to get on with others.(3) Talk about these skills: If you notice your kids need to develop some of these skills then talk about them, point out when they show them and give them some implementation ideas.Kids are quite ego-centric and need to develop a sense of ‘other’ so they can successfully negotiate the many social situations that they find themselves in. As parents we often focus on the development of children’s academic skills and can quite easily neglect the development of these vitally important social skills, which contribute so much to children’s happiness and well-being.

Words of Wisdom For New Parents – The Art

admin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:31:01 +0000

So you are a new parent? Congratulations! Welcoming a new child into a family is an exciting, thrilling time. It can be scary, too, of course. And rightly so. No where else in life will you experience the rollercoaster of life more than in the game of parenting. I know because I have four children and have been parenting for more than two decades. What words of wisdom for new parents can I offer you? Well, if I was to start all over with my kids, I’d want to know that there is an art and a science to the skill of raising a child.
The Art of Parenting.
This is the heart of your parenting. You love your child. You want the very best for him. You envision years of happy times together. This is all good! The feelings and desires you have for your family will motivate you when times get tough. And you can be certain, times will get tough. It’s simply the nature of the beast.
You can establish strong heart bonds with your child by intentionally cultivating the relationship with her. Starting as a baby, spend time with your little one. As one who has been there, done that, I can assure you there is no substitute for time spent with your child.
Get to know this new human. Figure out her personality, her quirks, her talents, her frustrations. This will do several things for both of you as your child grows.
* Allow you to be the person she trusts. Your tender knowledge of her will prove your trustworthiness to her time and time again. She will know you are the person she can come to, anytime, with anything. This will be invaluable all through her young life, and especially as she travels through the teen years.
* Give you knowledge that will help you guide her through the pitfalls she must traverse. Instead of wringing your hands and worrying, you will be in a much better position to take positive action as necessary. Remember, you cannot control your child, but you do have tremendous influence over her as her parent.
* Cause you to deepen your love for your child. Whenever you deepen a relationship, the result is a tighter bond. Yes, I’ll admit this is why you will hurt at times over your child. But deepening your love for your family is what will enable you to make the necessary sacrifices to care for them in the ways they will need.
No one said parenting is easy. But it can be extremely rewarding.
The Science of Parenting.
This is the head or thinking side of your parenting. This is where you apply all the skills you use in other areas of your life to improve yourself as a parent.
For example, you probably had some sort of education to be trained in your current job or career. Perhaps it took you years to learn your career skills. Perhaps it was simply a matter of on-the-job training. Whatever it was, you knew there was a learning curve involved. You may have continuing education requirements for your career, as well.
Thoughtful wisdom in parenting dictates there is also a learning curve. This is definitely an on-the-job type of training, but you needn’t feel overwhelmed. Parenting is the most popular career field on the planet. There is no shortage of books, seminars, classes, and mentors available to you concerning this topic.
Like any career, you’ll need to do a little research to determine which voices to listen to. I recommend making a list of all the parents you know who are raising their children in ways in which you respect. These are the voices to begin to listen to.
Be flexible in your parenting. What works in one season of your family’s life may not work as well in another. And what works beautifully with one child may fail miserably with another child. As you maneuver through the science of parenting, let your heart (art) be your guide. I am a firm believer that no one knows a child the way that child’s parent does. As you listen to other parents and learn through parenting resources, listen with your heart. Will this material work in my family? Could I adapt it to work more specifically for my family’s situation? Feel free to try parenting ideas and make adjustments over time. Very few ideas will work the first time, but many ideas will be invaluable over the long haul.
The last bit of wisdom for new parents I’d like to offer is this: give yourself a break. If you are loving your child and working to learn what you can about the parenting game, you are probably doing a wonderful job. Kids are flexible and can stand up to most of our mistakes. Have a humble and grateful heart and be determined to do whatever you need to do as a parent and you’ll do great.

Right Brain Kids at Home – 7 Secrets to Teach Your Kids Life Skills Start From Right Brain Training

admin — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:35:13 +0000

Right Brain is creativity, imagination etc. Children at age 3 to 6 are very dominant in their right brain. They are creative, imaginative, asking lots of surprising questions. Parents have to be often observed this behavior and find the correct ways to teach them how to make use of this talent!

Here I share the 7 Secrets to Teach Your Kids Life Skills Start from Right Brain

Secret #1 Observation skills by visiting local art museums and watching art performance at art theater.

Often bring your children to museum to explore and observe art, sculpture, paintings etc. This is giving your child an cultural education tour, while at the same time they learn imagination and observation skills from the art works of artists. Bring your child to watch art performance such as ballet dancing or drama is helping your child in terms of performing art appreciation while they are learning how to express art in various creative ways.

Secret #2 Creativity skills by playing games and toys with siblings or friends.

Try to invest in games or toys that required creativity skills. Toys such as art and craft kits, bead threading kits, car or robot assemble toys. Your child will be automatic trained on creativity skills while playing those games.

Secret #3 Social and communication skills with friends and siblings.

Never forget, social life is part of your children future. Train them how to socialise is critical in our society, we are in the world of society and we can not survive without social and communication skills. There are many ways to learn communication skills, the most popular way is send your kids for performing art drama classes. Through the drama classes, your child get a chance to learn proper speech and language to communicate while doing role playing. Other method is organize home party or gathering with friends and their kids. This method will give a chance of your children to learn how to get along to other children.

Secret #4 Self management skills.

Self management skills such as learn how to be tidy and neat, how to bath, how to toilet, how to wear cloths, how to cook a dinner at home, how to bake a cake, how to wash cloth and dishes etc. Parents show an example of being clean and neat will indirectly teaching your child to be clean and neat as well. Parent can also requesting your child involve in home activity such as washing dishes, cleaning the rooms, baking a cake to get them learn a simple skills can train them be a hardworking person, and able to self manage their own needs.

Secret #5 Problem solving skills.

Yes, problem solving skills is important for life. When there is a problem faced by your child, try not to solve the problem for them. Instead, guide them on the path on how to solve the problem. Simple problem such as while your child playing with the toy car, he is unable to unlock toy car lock, try to guide them how to get the key to unlock the toy, instead of parent unlock for them.

Secret #6 Learn to be patient.

Let your child learn to be patient by using ‘please wait..’ or ‘please queue…’ methods. ‘Please wait…’ method is by using the words ‘please wait’ when your child wanted parents to attend immediately for their request while parents busy with some house work. Children are young and also impatient, parents can reduce their restless behavior by saying ‘please wait’ with a clear explanation on why they have to wait or queue for their turn. Other patient learning skills can be applied by asking your child to queue for buying at food stalls.

Secret #7 Practice, practice, practice!

Practice make perfect! Practice is the last secret. The more you practice all the above secrets, your child life skills will be perfect!

Hope you enjoy and practice above secrets to teach your children life skills! To your success!

Parenting: Which Road Do I Have to Take to Raise a Good Child?

admin — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 17:33:20 +0000

THE IN AND OUTS OF BEING A NEW PARENT ———————– The child who rebels will test our strength and patience as a parent. The key to helping your child is helping yourself understand them and teach them.

PARENTING AS A NEVER-ENDING JOB ———————– Parenting is the most underpaid job ever; yet the job of parent can be the best job in the world. The hours are long and you can’t take any sick-days!

TEACH YOUR KIDS SELF-RELIANCE ———————– Teach your child the value of self-sufficiency and to respect the true value of hard-earned money and they will surely grow into responsible adults. It’s difficult, but can be very uplifting and must be done. True independence is the only precious gift that you can actually give your child. You may still believe that by giving your child things that they want will make them happy but beware of the consequences!

GET YOUR CHILD TO DO WHAT YOU WANT————-Some kids grow taller fast and may even surpass you but they to understand that you are still in charge. To teach them to listen to you, try putting a marble in a jar when ever your child starts doing something the first time that you asked them to. I really love it every time I hear other kids say, YES! YES! the first time they are asked to do something.

Always relate your command as a statement, and never as a question. Most parents are prone to saying, “Would you like to start doing your homework now?” Instead of saying, “Please start doing your homework now.”

MAKE MEMORIES WITH QUALITY FAMILY TIME ———————– Family time must be all positive and uplifting. Your goal is to produce long lasting good memories from these conversations over a family dinner, and you want your family looking forward to spending more of these moments together.

PARENTING – DOABLE….NOTHINGS EASY————— Is being a parent that difficult? In a sense, sometimes it can be considered as quite easy. However, when your child needs guidance, this is where your job gets interesting. We all could have used a great course in child rearing before becoming a parent but most of us did not have one. If you do some research, you can find many resources online and in book stores that can truly help you take control of your parenting “job” and raise wonderful children. Don’t give up as your child’s future depends on you.

HOW TO BE AN HONEST PARENT

admin — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 19:05:41 +0000

WHICH ROAD DO I HAVE TO TAKE TO REAR A GOOD CHILD?

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The arrival of a baby can be an overwhelming task. All throughout the parenting process, you’ll find yourself thinking and even daydreaming about things like wonderful times you will spend with your child, but you have to put that one on hold just for now. Because there are barriers between you and your child and every conversation turns into a screaming match and a major power struggle. Now there is a guide and resources to advise you on the best way to handle the child in your life.

BEING A NEW PARENT.

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The right parenting path will lead you to self-comfort most especially in those difficult situations that you are most likely to face in the future with your offspring.

HERE ARE THE PROCESSES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW TO BECOME SKILLED IN PARENTING.

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To find out answers to solving your parenting issues, you can talk to another parent whom has actually gone through that same situation with their child before. There are parenting forums that are available online nowadays and some are equipped with online chat options. There are many websites about parenting and you can find nearly all solutions to every type of situation out there. Try to look at how other parents have ended their issues and what their solution was and try to see if that may actually work for you.

PARENTING IS A NEVER-ENDING JOB.

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To raise a child into being a good adult definitely takes a commitment (life long that is). Parenting is nothing but a continuous process. However, there can also be a thick and crooked line of parenting if you make and if you make a mistake or bad move you will end up falling. Most parents want nothing but the best for their children. If one day your child comes running to you and starts asking you like “mom/dad I need help”, will you say to them sorry, I am too busy now? I do not believe so; you will not tell your child that you are too busy to help them.

TEACH YOUR KIDS SELF-RELIANCE

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True independence is the only precious gift that you as a parent can actually give to your child. It is hard to see a child struggling in meeting their personal goal, but it’s’ wonderful to be there beside them as you see them slowly achieving it. When parents have the mind frame that giving your child things from toys, to high tech gadgets etc. When your child has responsibilities, (even at a tender age) they too feel proud of their achievements and often feel needed, feel important and of course feel loved.

GET MORE COMPLIANCE FROM YOUR CHILD.

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Relate to your child what you are seeing and also state what you would like to see for instance, “Oh you really like saying NO. If the situation is for a frustrated child, you can then say, “I know that you are irritated right now since you are having a hard time building your Lego tower, even I understand that it is hard to leaving your Lego tower unfinished”, which will help to gain more cooperation from your child. Brainstorming with your child as opposed to focusing on what reward/s will be given after they have accomplished a task will prove that you will be rewarded with cooperation from your child.

COMMON CHILD AND PARENT PROBLEMS.

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Do not let fear overcome you; the joyful experience that a child can bring to their parents is enough to pay for all the hardships that you will endure in rearing a good child. Give your child some freedom, so that they can start learning on their own and how to do things alone. Parents have the choice and the chance to curve your life’s path towards being a good parent. Plus, by being an active parent in your child’s school system you will learn about their behavior while at school.

MAKE MEMORIES WITH QUALITY FAMILY TIME.

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You do not need to perform a major makeover in starting to increase your quality time that you and your family spend together.

THE FOLLOWING TIPS ENSURE THAT YOUR FAMILY TIME WILL BE STRESS FREE AND WILL ENSURE THAT YOU WILL MAKE YOUR FAMILY MEMORIES LAST FOR A LIFETIME:

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> Remember that by having pleasant dinner talks it is one of the most effective and the simplest way to create family bonds/ties and this will truly make your memories last for a lifetime. Be sure to maintain a pleasant conversation at dinnertime as well as having inspirational and upbeat conversations too. If dinnertime conversations are not pleasant, your family members will not even remember these times spent together as a family and in turn family dinners will easily be just an activity that they don’t want to participate in. If your family does not want to participate in family dinner due to unpleasant conversation, that is certainly counterproductive of quality family time.

> Try to set at least an hour or two aside with your family, before your next scheduled activity.

As parents we know that our children are more important than anything else in this world to us and we need every tool possible to live in peace and harmony with them. Please read further and learn more ways that we can help our children by following the link below.

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Honest Parenting

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Today’s Parenting Concerns Are Different Than In The Past

admin — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:55:15 +0000

The world has been changing very rapidly especially over the past twenty to thirty years, and during this time parenting has become a whole new world. As a parent, it seems like the teens of today are from a different planet then where we there parents came from just two decades ago. It would seem that with this new age of parenting has come a new world of responsibility which can be completely overwhelming to keep up with. These days, you pray that all your child is into is sex, drugs and rock and roll, but the teen problems of today go well beyond what anyone would have imagined.With all the things that are rampantly occurring on a regular basis, it seems there is no rhyme or reason as to who it happens to. Everyone seems to be getting into sexting (taking naked pics on cellphones) and risque things on webcams and the internet. Those things are permanent, and children don’t seem to get that. The use and carriage of weapons of all sorts is not unheard of. Random acts of violence seem to be popping up everywhere. Then you have the hazing and gang related behaviors that are not confined to just the ghettos anymore. Kids today do not think there are permanent consequences for any of this behavior. The internet is a free pass for literally anything a person is looking for. It seems like almost everything a kid can get into nowadays is a danger to their selves. You may think that your child would never dare to do any of these things. Do not kid yourself. Kids are kids, and some experimentation is normal and to be expected. Nowadays, if you can get through the adolescent period with just a few smokes, drinks or sexual confrontations, consider yourself lucky. There could be several things that are contributing to our youth going wild. Now most homes have both parents gone most of the day, leaving the kids to their own devices and not supervised. Then we have all the technology at their fingertips. Cell phones, computers, and usually they have their own in their own room. The kids have access to any information they want, not to mention the movies and television nowadays. Nothing is held back. Giving the kids what they want keeps them out of your hair. But it also allows them too much privacy.With the evolution of technology in this generation alone, it seems hard to fathom what will come with the next generation. One thing is for sure, we need to get a handle on things now, with our children. The safety and restraint of our children and their children depend on it.Getting a hold on parenting in today’s world is not easy. But the factor of child safety is dependent on your ability. For tips and ideas to assist you, visit parentinginformed today.

Parenting Children With ADHD

admin — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:47:53 +0000

Many people do not understand what it is like to be the parent of a child with ADHD, also known as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It’s not uncommon for people to blame the disorder on bad parenting skills and fail to realize that it is a medical condition that the child and the parents have no control over. For many parents it can be exhausting to have a child that is constantly active and unable to focus and concentrate on different tasks. Fortunately, there are things parents can do to help them keep calm and deal with the many challenges parenting can present to them.

Here are some tips for Parenting Children with ADHD:

1. Stay Calm: It is easy to lose your temper with your child, especially if you’ve had to ask them repeatedly to do something or if they’ve deliberately done something you asked them not to do. Getting upset over things however is not going to be productive and will only likely further create more tension and problems. Count to 10, go to another room, or practice deep breathing techniques until you are calm enough to deal with the situation.

2. Set a Schedule: Kids with ADHD do very well with structure and regular schedules. The more structured and organized your day to day routine is, the better off it will be for managing organization and keeping your child focused. Having set routines for the morning, doing homework, and bedtime can greatly help reduce battles.

3. Be Involved in School: School can be a challenge for many kids since it involves often needing to complete work in a given period of time and sitting in one place paying attention. Make sure you are on the same page as teachers and are involved in different school activities. You and your child have several rights as to what schools need to do to accommodate their special needs. If need be, you can often get an education advocate to help you get your child in the right programs through either your counselor, physician, or even the county where you live.

4. Maintain a Positive Attitude: It’s easy to get caught up on the negative behaviors and problems. Instead, focus on your child’s strengths and help them excel in those areas. Instead of looking at things negatively, try to place a positive spin on it whenever possible.

5. Take Breaks: You don’t need to be a super hero to be the parent of a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It’s okay to take breaks and time out for yourself. Try to go out at least once a week or do an activity you truly enjoy to give yourself some much needed relaxation time.

These tips can greatly help you cope with the daily frustrations of living with someone with ADHD can present. When you get involved, stay positive, and do all that you can while still making sure you get breaks for yourself, you can be confident that you are doing the best thing possible for you and your child.

PARENTING: WHICH ROAD DO I HAVE TO TAKE TO REAR A GOOD CHILD?

admin — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:37:11 +0000

PARENTING: WHICH ROAD DO I HAVE TO TAKE TO REAR A GOOD CHILD?Not that its not proper, it is just that things happens differently in real life.THE PROCESS OF BEING A NEW PARENTYou must admit, that we tend to forget how it is to just relax and get stuck with our boring lifestyle and jobs.Remember that too much of criticism is not going to do any good in any parent and child relationships.Proper and good parenting skills teaches you how to actually listen to your child’s needs and not relinquish them, but it is all up to you on how can you stand strong and see the issues in your child’s eyes and end to a solution that will please you both.PARENTING AS A NEVER-ENDING JOBParenting is the most underpaid job ever; you do not even earn anything from being a parent.Children now, regardless of their age needs help and proper guidance from you their parents.By the time your child steps out on the world at 18, they are considered as an adult (well, in some cases this may not be applicable).TEACH YOUR KIDS SELF-RELIANCEThis may be the thought that they have in mind “I’m important enough that’s why I was given responsibilities.Most of the time, it is out of you own desire for materialistic pressures, or to be liked, and sometimes fervent wish that your child may be spared of the things that you did not experience as a child, as an action you would want to do your best to give them nothing but the best of everything.You would make them have a fun childhood memories, or in a way heal your own emotional wounds by doing all of these to your children, you are interfering with your child’s development unconsciously.GET MORE COMPLIANCE IN NINE WAYS!I really love it every time I hear other kids say, YES! YES! Then you can tickle your child or even use humour just to see if you actually can get your child to say YES!Always relate your command as a statement, and never as a question . Most parents are prone to saying, would you like to start doing your homework now? and other commands which should always be stated using a firm voice. Try saying, You can watch right after dinner.By using rewards – You can focus on your child’s positive attitude instead of the negatives.MAKE MEMORIES WITH QUALITY FAMILY TIMEAvoid criticisms, arguing or squabbling.It is important to always keep positive and upbeat conversation topics.As your goal is to produce long lasting good memories from these conversations over a family dinner, and you want your family looking forward to spending more of these moments together.COMMON CHILD AND PARENT PROBLEMSOh, Yes! We’ve been through difficult years or so, and then of course we know a lot better compared to our children, what we must bear in mind is that time changes and what might be right for us may also not right for our children.I have been corrected a lot of times before by being rebuked that “Its way different now” or by “Mom that happen to be years ago” it seems that the children makes a point in that sense. We are trying to guide our children to the best of our knowledge by relieving our very own childhood/teen years and the truth of the matter is that we haven’t really moved forward at present time.Resources:Parenting

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Make Your Parenting Positive

admin — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 04:50:37 +0000

As a parent you want to do the right thing. You want your child to be happy and healthy and you know the way you behave will have a big bearing on the way your kids turn out. There are tips on how make the most of your parenting skills. You could check out the many resources available on parenting or you could use some good old fashioned common sense and apply the following suggestions.Make parenting a two-way street. Sure you are the adult and will make the rules and apply any rewards or punishments but getting your child to have a say is a brilliant idea. If the child contributes to the rules, rewards and consequences, they will have a greater desire to do the right thing.Self discipline is arguably the best discipline. If your child can work their way out of a problem without being led by the hand or have you standing over them telling them how and what to so, then the child will definitely benefit and life for you will certainly be better.You need to be sure you understand the definition of the expression ‘quality time’. Kids and their parents benefit from quality time together. It doesn’t only mean being in the same room or venue together. It does mean interaction between the adult and the child with both showing respect and interest in the other. The more and the better your quality time, the better will be the results of your parenting.Giving orders in a threatening way is never a good option. Having children being afraid is bad for everyone. By all means make it clear who is in authority but brow-beating a child only develops resentment and fear. Be firm but be fair.It is no use having rules unless you have both clarity and consistency. Clarity means all rules must be clearly understood by the child. Consistency means that any ruling a parent makes must be in line with previous decisions. It is always wrong to shift the goalposts during the game.Belittling a child is a serious mistake. Self-esteem is vital to your child’s mental health and more besides. Every child has worth and while you may wish to correct even punish, at no time should your child feel worthless. On the contrary, your child should understand that even though they have made a mistake or broken the agreed rules, they are loved and respected.Remember that childhood is a short space of time relatively speaking. When your children are adults you want them to have a healthy relationship with their parents. When your kids grow up they will thank you for being firm but fair. They will appreciate that you have shown them love whenever you decided to reward or punish them.Allowing your child to do as they please without reprimand or punishment is arguably as bad as being cruel towards them. Children want guidelines. They want to know where they go and how they can behave. If you set rules, explain them well and administer them fairly and without favor, you will go a long way to building a loving and lasting relationship with your children.