Cognitive Therapy for Children

As a parent you want to do the right thing. You want your child to be happy and healthy and you know the way you behave will have a big bearing on the way your kids turn out. There are tips on how make the most of your parenting skills. You could check out the many resources available on parenting or you could use some good old fashioned common sense and apply the following suggestions.Make parenting a two-way street. Sure you are the adult and will make the rules and apply any rewards or punishments but getting your child to have a say is a brilliant idea. If the child contributes to the rules, rewards and consequences, they will have a greater desire to do the right thing.Self discipline is arguably the best discipline. If your child can work their way out of a problem without being led by the hand or have you standing over them telling them how and what to so, then the child will definitely benefit and life for you will certainly be better.You need to be sure you understand the definition of the expression ‘quality time’. Kids and their parents benefit from quality time together. It doesn’t only mean being in the same room or venue together. It does mean interaction between the adult and the child with both showing respect and interest in the other. The more and the better your quality time, the better will be the results of your parenting.Giving orders in a threatening way is never a good option. Having children being afraid is bad for everyone. By all means make it clear who is in authority but brow-beating a child only develops resentment and fear. Be firm but be fair.It is no use having rules unless you have both clarity and consistency. Clarity means all rules must be clearly understood by the child. Consistency means that any ruling a parent makes must be in line with previous decisions. It is always wrong to shift the goalposts during the game.Belittling a child is a serious mistake. Self-esteem is vital to your child’s mental health and more besides. Every child has worth and while you may wish to correct even punish, at no time should your child feel worthless. On the contrary, your child should understand that even though they have made a mistake or broken the agreed rules, they are loved and respected.Remember that childhood is a short space of time relatively speaking. When your children are adults you want them to have a healthy relationship with their parents. When your kids grow up they will thank you for being firm but fair. They will appreciate that you have shown them love whenever you decided to reward or punish them.Allowing your child to do as they please without reprimand or punishment is arguably as bad as being cruel towards them. Children want guidelines. They want to know where they go and how they can behave. If you set rules, explain them well and administer them fairly and without favor, you will go a long way to building a loving and lasting relationship with your children.

We all want to be good parents and learn good parenting skills. Parenting is a full time job, and sometimes it may seem like MORE than a full time job, but when it gets down to it, we have to acknowledge that as parents, we are going to make mistakes. But one of the keys to good parenting is to recognize those mistakes, accept the mistakes, and learn from the mistakes for the next time.

There are four A’s that point to traits of good parenting.

Availability

Be available for your child. Yes, these are hectic and busy times, but you should never be too busy for your child, especially when they need you. Do not only be available when they say they need you, because chances are high that they will not come right and say that. Offer yourself to them and let them know that you are available to them. Let them know that they are important to you, as they should be. Dedicate a reasonable amount of your time each day to spending it with them. Do not just give them the “leftovers” when you are dog tired from a day at work, but give them quality time. That might even be just watching their favorite TV program with them or reading them a book or going for a short walk with them. It does not necessarily mean to spend money on them, because one of the best things you can give them will not cost you a cent – your love for them, where you show it and they can feel it and know it.

Appreciation

The most powerful drive towards good behavior in children is in being appreciated. When a child does well at something, express your appreciation for them. When they do something nice for you, show your appreciation for that. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and children are especially sensitive to this. Appreciation also helps them make that maturing determination of what is right and what is wrong, based on how appreciated they feel. The more you appreciate their good deeds, the more their behavior will be in line with what you want and expect.

Affection

All of us wants to be loved, especially children. They are constantly searching for ways in which they can be loved by you. You are their focal point and they want to please you by their very nature. You need to be aware that love is the basis and foundation of a lasting relationship.

Acceptance

Everyone wants to be accepted and children are no different. You should go out of your way to show they unconditional acceptance. This provides them with a level of self-worth and helps to keep their self-esteem level high. It also gives them a sense of security in the act of acceptance. If you as their parent cannot accept them, then nobody else will either, and they realize this.

Good parenting is a skill that is learned over time, and with mistakes. Learn from the mistakes and set guidelines to be the best parent you can be.